Lacrimosa, Lockerbie, Life, & Loneliness

Let me be my cliche self and post a couple quotes and a song:

It is some relief to weep; grief is satisfied and carried off by tears.  ~Ovid

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.  ~Antoine Rivarol

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.  ~Christian Nevell Bovee

Lacrimosa by Karl Jenkins 

As I have been alluding to but never really  saying is I am going through pain and grief for someone who is not yet dead but will be. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I wanted to deal with it but didn't know how. Until tonight (11/6), I let myself cry, a flow of rain to form a river to cleanse my heart. I went go see the STP, Senior Theatre Project (the Capstone Project),  of the week presented by two friends of mine. The show was the Women of Lockerbie. A story of grief, pain, death, faith, and healing. It spoke to me, it did and it just opened the flood gates and made me laugh, booth needed to cleanse my heart and let all the festering emotions out that i couldn't because i didn't have an outlet for them or a reason for them to be expressed. After the Show I wept bitterly and freely on the shoulder of a friend as she hugged me and played mother, she was good for that. I thanked the cast for the outlet and expressing through their art what I wanted to say and how I felt.

Life, like the show must go on as the weeks went, days bleed into each other, sleep came and went, not always there for me, so waited for it as I wondered the hall, after rehearsals and homework and the avoidance of homework. Caring more about those around me who are hurting than myself, for they needed someone and I could get some healing from the helping of others. For I am to Love God and Love Others, as my theme is going for the year and probably the rest of my life. Yet, I needed to heal again, waiting for death to come is a hard thing to prepare for towards the end of a semester, when the person who will die is loved and was supposed to spend the holidays with you. But I want pain and suffering to end for him, but it still doesn't change that it will hurt and does hurt now. My Friends are the greatest, rallying around me and caring for me, asking how I am doing, and praying for me. which Reminds me Prayer is amazing; it allows me time to be with God and talk with him and pray for others and myself. As my crazy life continues I need to be grounded and holding fast to the Rock. But even with all this comes Loneliness, and I am never actually alone. I am surrounded by people, but i feel cut off. I feel like I am just floating in a sea of faces, lost, confused and forgotten. It is just a feeling but it happens to come up just when it would hurt the most. So, I have to remind myself I need to reach out to people who care and want to help... so I did and got Kitty therapy from a 6 week kitten named Indy and it made my Sunday so much better because i just released a lot of stress which lightened my burdened heart. Yet there are other thing that hang heavy on heart which I need to deal with before thanksgiving.... but that is another post.

I feel Better, and I have to Run to class. But As I am in Production week for a Show and I try to deal with things as well as Invest in those around me, I will try to stay strong, and as i always tell people, " Just Keep Swimming".