Finals and "Home"

Normally I try to post on this blog about once a week, but life happens and you cannot always get  what you want. The main reason I have not posted since 12/5 is because of finals and work.

So i had seven papers/finals and i got them all completed!!!! with some help from friends, food, baked goods from a group of ladies from a church and sleep, it all got completed. Huzzah for a weight was lifted! I won and now am "home."

I say "home" because it is where I mainly grew up and where my family is. It is/was my home, but i live now out of a suitcase here.... I explained this on an older post but will restate it:

So I have come to the realization that I have three or four "homes" but no home or a place to call a home. I feel like the man from the movie The Terminal, a man with country  recognized by anyone just living in a terminal of an airport waiting to go on with my life and have a home again. Let me explain, I went "home" for thanksgiving to be with family and returned "home" to school.  Over the Thanksgiving break I went up to camp my "home" away from "home" and had fun. Yet, I have no home to call home. If I am not making sense and just rattling on I apologize but this is what is going on. I find I only have one true Home, that is Heaven, and I wish I was there so badly away from this horrid place called earth, the shadow of what it should and could be... They do say that the home is where your heart is, and mine is in fifty different places and my mind in a million more, the only place my heart is and longs to be is Heaven and it is getting hard to live this heavy heart and yet living without it at the same time.

Well it maybe sad but think about it, I am 20 living in two different places a year, neither of which is my own, no space to call my own. I live in a space and time of waiting... waiting to move on in life to what some college students call the "real world" and "real life." But real life and the real world is what we are living in right now... it doesn't start when you graduate you are living in it now....

Well living in it has also some problem areas, like dealing with death. My grandfather died today at 9:30 am; We found out on the way to church of all places, huh. So we get to church and every time the pastor talks about dealing with death within the message he looks right where my family is sitting. It was weird but im ok.... I am happy that he was called to heaven in his sleep and is suffering no more, I have already grieved for him once but i will probably mourn for him again at the memorial service next week; i am ok and will be fine. Until i write again....