Musings and The Radio in My Head

Today in church this song of all songs popped into my head, it was random but the lyrics to the chorus fit exactly how I was feeling and fit what the message was saying. This is who I see myself as at times in my life and walk; The song was Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold"; the chorus is as follows:

"Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white...
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down"

I have come to realize, no come to accept and acknowledge that I am very much controlled by my emotions and the circumstances around me. I sometimes feel very emotional and those emotions, whether good or bad, control me; that is until I realize how ridiculous I am being.

This being said I have come to realize, accept, and/or acknowledge that this also effects my faith and daily walk with Him who created and saved me. I am very easily swayed or distracted from my personal walk. This actually causes a vicious cycle of life for me. I know my days are infinitely better if I am in communion with God and am fully relying on Him; If I am not in communion with Him, through prayer, scripture reading, and other spiritual disciplines, I end up becoming emotional, in a bad way. I become callused, hurt, depressed, angry, or some other emotion, which leads me not to my knees but away from that and towards some destructive activity, thoughts, or other and brings me back to the place I have left and hadn't wanted to return to which starts those emotions again. Then cycle starts over and over again but in a downward spiral pattern.

How sad it is. I will be on Fire for the Lord and slowly let it fade to almost nothing, then being kicked in the butt or smacked upside the head and change and to let the fire grow to a blaze again only to allow it to fade. It all starts with how much sleep and the quality of it, homework, friends, stress, and other stuff taking priority over what really matters; it's quite sad actually.

In Church the Pastor quoted someone in the congregation; they stated, "...We didn't invite Christ into our lives but He invited us into His life." We need to remember that if we think we invited Him into our lives like we do to our friends, jobs, and stuff, He become just becomes one of the many things we have invited into our lives. He becomes just another thing among a bunch of stuff. We become wishy washy and can be discouraged by life; we go back to where we came from. But if in spite of this we press on, and cling to Christ we will move forward.

So I guess I just rambled on about my thoughts and they probably don't make much sense but hey my mind doesn't always make sense... but I am going to try to press on and with my new view of who I am and in light of what I said I will leave you with this, "Pressing On" by Relient K.