http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioRrydp6FTI
I have come to realize, no come to accept and acknowledge that I am very much controlled by my emotions and the circumstances around me. I sometimes feel very emotional and those emotions, whether good or bad, control me; that is until I realize how ridiculous I am being.
This being said I have come to realize, accept, and/or acknowledge that this also effects my faith and daily walk with Him who created and saved me. I am very easily swayed or distracted from my personal walk. This actually causes a vicious cycle of life for me. I know my days are infinitely better if I am in communion with God and am fully relying on Him; If I am not in communion with Him, through prayer, scripture reading, and other spiritual disciplines, I end up becoming emotional, in a bad way. I become callused, hurt, depressed, angry, or some other emotion;,which leads me not to my knees but away from that and towards some destructive thing, or other and brings me back to the place I have left. The exact place I didn't want to return to. This starts the same emotions again. Then cycle starts over and over again but in a downward spiral pattern.
How sad it is. I will be on Fire for the Lord and slowly let it fade to almost nothing, then being kicked in the butt or smacked upside the head and change and to let the fire grow to a blaze again only to allow it to fade. It all starts with how much sleep and the quality of it, friends, stress, and other stuff taking priority over what really matters; it's quite sad actually.
And in those days where I feel like "God, Why do you love me? How Can You? I am so ugly, so dark, soon and so on... "
God Shines his light in my darkness and smiles on his child, "My child, my son. yes you have fallen, yes you still have to deal with your brokenness and your sin but i have forgiven you, washed you white as snow in my eyes for not only have i cleaned the slate for you i have thrown it out and its on the ocean floor forgotten."
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