Boxing Day: A Reflection

"Take it all down, Christmas is over
But do not despair, but rather be glad
We had a good year, now let's have another
Remembering all the good times that we had
Oh no more lights glistening
No more carols to sing
But Christmas, it makes way for spring
Though hearts of man are bitter in weather
As cold as the snow that falls from above
But just for one day we all came together
We showed the whole world that we know how to love
Oh no more lights glistening
No more carols to sing
Oh remember that Christmas, it makes way for spring" -Relient K

Well Christmas was yesterday and we have made it through another year, survived the crazy shopping, driving, eating, baking, sleeping or lack of that, and for all the college student and I Finals.....

So what have we learned, what have we done this past year? It has been 365 days since last year's Christmas, and what have we changed in ourselves, the people around us and the world?

Its a sobering thing watching the news of the past year... we had the Gulf incident, the Winter Olympics, Hatti's Earthquake, and all the marriages, divorces and deaths of celebrities. Its also sobering looking back on what has happened in my own life in the past year, I have laughed, cried, grew, stumbled, was depressed, took life by the horns and fell to the wayside. I have grown so much but I have so much more to learn...

One of my Favorite quotes is "I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago... " -Donald Miller, and That is my Goal in life but I want to add to it by saying, "I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago..." and moving closer to the Savior of my soul.  I want to do this as I continue to try to live out the Greatest Commandment: "Love God... Love Others." And this is my New Years Wish, Resolution, thought, Hope, Whatever, to live out what I just Wrote.

I Plan to do it through:

1. Journaling (both personally and the Bible)
2. Prayer
3. Fellowship with Other Believers
4. Prayer
5. Mentors
6. Living and Learning

 Let me Leave you with this from Relient K's I Celebrate the Day for this is exactly how I feel writing this blog post; Till next Year:

"And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be..." -Relient K

Finals and "Home"

Normally I try to post on this blog about once a week, but life happens and you cannot always get  what you want. The main reason I have not posted since 12/5 is because of finals and work.

So i had seven papers/finals and i got them all completed!!!! with some help from friends, food, baked goods from a group of ladies from a church and sleep, it all got completed. Huzzah for a weight was lifted! I won and now am "home."

I say "home" because it is where I mainly grew up and where my family is. It is/was my home, but i live now out of a suitcase here.... I explained this on an older post but will restate it:

So I have come to the realization that I have three or four "homes" but no home or a place to call a home. I feel like the man from the movie The Terminal, a man with country  recognized by anyone just living in a terminal of an airport waiting to go on with my life and have a home again. Let me explain, I went "home" for thanksgiving to be with family and returned "home" to school.  Over the Thanksgiving break I went up to camp my "home" away from "home" and had fun. Yet, I have no home to call home. If I am not making sense and just rattling on I apologize but this is what is going on. I find I only have one true Home, that is Heaven, and I wish I was there so badly away from this horrid place called earth, the shadow of what it should and could be... They do say that the home is where your heart is, and mine is in fifty different places and my mind in a million more, the only place my heart is and longs to be is Heaven and it is getting hard to live this heavy heart and yet living without it at the same time.

Well it maybe sad but think about it, I am 20 living in two different places a year, neither of which is my own, no space to call my own. I live in a space and time of waiting... waiting to move on in life to what some college students call the "real world" and "real life." But real life and the real world is what we are living in right now... it doesn't start when you graduate you are living in it now....

Well living in it has also some problem areas, like dealing with death. My grandfather died today at 9:30 am; We found out on the way to church of all places, huh. So we get to church and every time the pastor talks about dealing with death within the message he looks right where my family is sitting. It was weird but im ok.... I am happy that he was called to heaven in his sleep and is suffering no more, I have already grieved for him once but i will probably mourn for him again at the memorial service next week; i am ok and will be fine. Until i write again....

Where is the manual for this?

A lot of seniors are now standing at a crossroad in their life. They are realizing that they will graduate in a semesters time and then its off to the  "Real World;" whether it be a job, armed forces, or grad school they are deciding what is the next step in life.

Life is full of choices, situations, challenges, work, family, friends, school, and other stuff. So where is the manual for it? Everything else pretty much comes with some form of instructions or users manual, whether we read it or not its there. Why doesn't a baby come with a owner's manual? Why don't we get book called "The Guide to Your Life" when we hit high school?  Why don't we get help in making these tough life decisions?

At times I feel like going, "Hey God some Help here... Maybe you can do that whole writing on the wall thing again or maybe you can call text or Facebook me what I'm suppose to do here." I know that the Bible is the manual to life, but its more like a general guide to life, a way to live it not a "on December 16th ask out so and so and this will lead to marriage, and avoid you know who at all costs they are a bad influence; Or you will be doing this for your life so make sure you do x, y, and z and apply to here for your career."  No instead of a nice map of a direct route through life we have a field guide and a compass, the Bible and The Holy Spirit.

Most of us have felt this way before, calling out to God saying, "OK God what your plan for my Life send me a sign, show me Your Will for my Life." But here is the Thing, God's will is for us to fulfill the greatest commandment and the Great Commission; We are to live like Christ and strive to. As long as we are doing that we are living with in the will of God. We are not going to get a fleece, a dream, a sign or signal from on what direction to take. So rather than praying for God to reveal this secret will for our lives, lets pray for wisdom to make the right, beneficial, and wholesome decisions at all times and to choose the best one when we are faced with two equally appropriate choices.

So as much as I would like to have God say each morning, "Good morning, Dave. Today I have willed for your Life this." Well maybe not every morning say that (but it would be helpful),it ain't going to happen! So now why I have said this. I am at a crossroad in my own life. I need to decide about, summer jobs, senior year, maybe switching my major, what to do after graduation, and well life on a day to day basis. I sat down to figure this all out and it was overwhelming... I know what I would like to do and what would actually be possible. I want to Teach, or something like that because i want to help shape the future through the shaping of lives. I also, want to continuously learn; I want to get at this point, call me crazy, at least three master degrees:

• One in music (theory or musicology),music ed, and/or education
• One in Theatre
• One from a Seminary either an M. Div and/or Th.M.

Wow three Totally different thing but all things I am interested in. So here's the plan, Marry someone rich and do what I want... Plan B well thats still in the works at the moment but no matter what I have my Rock to cling to and He will always be there for me. One of the books on my Reading list isJust Do Something: How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky, etc.by Kevin DeYoung. Everyone who I've talked to who has read it says it is worth while. So I will suggest a book I haven't read yet... why because I CAN, and I just did.

Musings and The Radio in My Head

Today in church this song of all songs popped into my head, it was random but the lyrics to the chorus fit exactly how I was feeling and fit what the message was saying. This is who I see myself as at times in my life and walk; The song was Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold"; the chorus is as follows:

"Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white...
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down"

I have come to realize, no come to accept and acknowledge that I am very much controlled by my emotions and the circumstances around me. I sometimes feel very emotional and those emotions, whether good or bad, control me; that is until I realize how ridiculous I am being.

This being said I have come to realize, accept, and/or acknowledge that this also effects my faith and daily walk with Him who created and saved me. I am very easily swayed or distracted from my personal walk. This actually causes a vicious cycle of life for me. I know my days are infinitely better if I am in communion with God and am fully relying on Him; If I am not in communion with Him, through prayer, scripture reading, and other spiritual disciplines, I end up becoming emotional, in a bad way. I become callused, hurt, depressed, angry, or some other emotion, which leads me not to my knees but away from that and towards some destructive activity, thoughts, or other and brings me back to the place I have left and hadn't wanted to return to which starts those emotions again. Then cycle starts over and over again but in a downward spiral pattern.

How sad it is. I will be on Fire for the Lord and slowly let it fade to almost nothing, then being kicked in the butt or smacked upside the head and change and to let the fire grow to a blaze again only to allow it to fade. It all starts with how much sleep and the quality of it, homework, friends, stress, and other stuff taking priority over what really matters; it's quite sad actually.

In Church the Pastor quoted someone in the congregation; they stated, "...We didn't invite Christ into our lives but He invited us into His life." We need to remember that if we think we invited Him into our lives like we do to our friends, jobs, and stuff, He become just becomes one of the many things we have invited into our lives. He becomes just another thing among a bunch of stuff. We become wishy washy and can be discouraged by life; we go back to where we came from. But if in spite of this we press on, and cling to Christ we will move forward.

So I guess I just rambled on about my thoughts and they probably don't make much sense but hey my mind doesn't always make sense... but I am going to try to press on and with my new view of who I am and in light of what I said I will leave you with this, "Pressing On" by Relient K.

The Day of Firsts

Today is the First of December, The First Snow Fall on Campus, and the First Night of Hanukkah; What a wonderful Joyous day.

I know I've been very "emo" in my posts, but today is a new day, a new post, and another start to trying to be more like Christ. today in Chapel we had a day of worship, and as I was singing, I starting to actually worship, break down, and call out to my Savior. This is the first time I've done this a while and doing so I realized something. I realized that I need a length of time to just be silent and be with God an extended bit of time. A time to just worship, confess, pray, and sit at his feet. The more I learn about myself the less I like who I am; I am needy, self-adsorbed, sinful, and some many other things; Yet God still loves me.

I  look around at other believers around me, both older and younger in the faith, and see their hearts on fire for God, how I long for that. I have been churched to the point of being a hypocrite, I am a modern day Pharisee; I am a part of the modern synagogue, saying come to me for God and I'll tell to do X, Y, and Z and not A, B, and C while I am doing A, B, and C. I want to want to live out what I believe, I want to be the hands and feet of Christ.

Which reminds me of a quote a friend posted on Facebook today:

"If the church gets overrun with homosexuals, that would be terrific. They can take their place in the pews right next to the liars, gossips, and materialists."- Ed Dobson

I know this is an over kill but it reminds us we are all sinners and cannot think ourselves better than those "tax collectors" and "Gentiles". We are just like them in the fact we are sinners; we just have been given God's Grace and we can impart share some with the tax collectors and gentiles in our life.

Dear God, 
Thank you so much for your love and mercy and how you love us even in our sin. May I be moving forward, moving towards you and not backtracking; moving from my old self and the Pharisee I was and am now. Please Lord fill me, use me, and allow me to be used to glorify you by doing your work. 
Love,
Me 

Hugs and Home Wanted...

"If home is where the heart is
Then my home is where you are (my home is where you are)
But it's getting oh so hard
To spend these days
Without my heart" -Relient K

As usual I have started with a quote, how cliche; o well. But this is how I feel; I am just so out of it,

So I have come to the realization that I have three or four "homes" but no home or a place to call a home. I feel like the man from the movie The Terminal, a man with country  recognized by anyone just living in a terminal of an airport waiting to go on with my life and have a home again. Let me explain, I went "home" for thanksgiving to be with family and returned "home" to school.  Over the Thanksgiving break I went up to camp my "home" away from "home" and had fun. Yet, I have no home to call home. If I am not making sense and just rattling on I apologize but this is what is going on. I find I only have one true Home, that is Heaven, and I wish I was there so badly away from this horrid place called earth, the shadow of what it should and could be. Yet I don't have the heart or the will power to do anything to speed up the trip to home; I am a wuss and care to much about those who I would hurt if I went Home. They do say that the home is where your heart is, and mine is in fifty different places and my mind in a million more, the only place my heart is and longs to be is Heaven and it is getting hard to live this heavy heart and yet living without it at the same time. I spent a night over a friends house where it seemed like their life was "perfect", now I know no one is perfect but I wanted that feeling of the family, that I kinda wished I always had when i was younger and I moped for a while.Ugh!

The best way I can express this frustration is by this:

I am a cesspool of emotions, contradictions, and hurt, 

Love, hate, hope, lies and worth;

Fighting for a way out, but no way is found.

Thus it just tosses and turns and causes distress,

Sleepless nights, self-pity, and stress.

Sleep come to me and let me dream this away,

Till this storm passes or forever and a day.

 I just wrote this; wow, I haven't written poetry in forever and I feel slightly better now. I want to love and be loved but want to be shallow and not open up. I want to be part of a group but separate myself. I am that guy who anyone can talk to about their problems but share my own, who tells himself he is a part of the group even though he feels like he is on the outside looking in whether or not he is, and the guy who wants the spotlight but wants to be left alone, who wants to stand and yell and curl up on the floor and cry.I am the guy who is what he is and accepts it, and wouldn't change a thing and yet wants a different life.

I want to express all I am feeling but everything can be put into words or I just won't let them out yet. I am taking it day by day, but I will say this " I want my mommy!" and I need a hug.

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving the official start to the holidays and the unofficial start of Christmas and all that goes with it. A time to spend with your family and friends. A time when in the company of love ones we are able to gorge ourselves and talk and have a good time; that is if the home life is like that. Unfortunately not everyone I know nor everyone in America has that opportunity. But we do all have the opportunity to be thankful. So this post is just a chance for me to say what I am thankful for...

1. My Faith/God: For all the time when I was down, depressed, or needed someone I always had God to turn to even after I would turn away from him
2. My Family: For always being there, supporting me through whatever means possible and pushing me to be the be the best that I could be
3. My Friends: For putting up with me, for loving me for who I am, for being there for me when i needed a friend and reminding me that I am loved when i forget
4. My Mentors: For showing me what it means to be a man, talking things through with me, allowing me to be part of their lives, and for just pushing me to be a better person. 
5. Camp: For being my home away from home, being a place where I could grow up physically and spiritually, as well as being my own never-land 
6. Cedarville: For the atmosphere, the people, the strive for growth  both spiritually and mentally.
7. Art: For being my outlet for my emotions, for giving me words that for my soul, and expression for who I am.
8. Books: For the infinite knowledge and stupidity that they hold and plan to share with us.
9. Deep Conversations: This allows ideas and opinion and truths be shared between 
10. Food: For the sustenance that is provided for me and I am able to eat and stay healthy from, also, i could not think of anything to be thankful, but still God provides for the basic needs, which I am Thankful for.

Lacrimosa, Lockerbie, Life, & Loneliness

Let me be my cliche self and post a couple quotes and a song:

It is some relief to weep; grief is satisfied and carried off by tears.  ~Ovid

Heavy hearts, like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.  ~Antoine Rivarol

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.  ~Christian Nevell Bovee

Lacrimosa by Karl Jenkins 

As I have been alluding to but never really  saying is I am going through pain and grief for someone who is not yet dead but will be. I wanted to cry but couldn't, I wanted to deal with it but didn't know how. Until tonight (11/6), I let myself cry, a flow of rain to form a river to cleanse my heart. I went go see the STP, Senior Theatre Project (the Capstone Project),  of the week presented by two friends of mine. The show was the Women of Lockerbie. A story of grief, pain, death, faith, and healing. It spoke to me, it did and it just opened the flood gates and made me laugh, booth needed to cleanse my heart and let all the festering emotions out that i couldn't because i didn't have an outlet for them or a reason for them to be expressed. After the Show I wept bitterly and freely on the shoulder of a friend as she hugged me and played mother, she was good for that. I thanked the cast for the outlet and expressing through their art what I wanted to say and how I felt.

Life, like the show must go on as the weeks went, days bleed into each other, sleep came and went, not always there for me, so waited for it as I wondered the hall, after rehearsals and homework and the avoidance of homework. Caring more about those around me who are hurting than myself, for they needed someone and I could get some healing from the helping of others. For I am to Love God and Love Others, as my theme is going for the year and probably the rest of my life. Yet, I needed to heal again, waiting for death to come is a hard thing to prepare for towards the end of a semester, when the person who will die is loved and was supposed to spend the holidays with you. But I want pain and suffering to end for him, but it still doesn't change that it will hurt and does hurt now. My Friends are the greatest, rallying around me and caring for me, asking how I am doing, and praying for me. which Reminds me Prayer is amazing; it allows me time to be with God and talk with him and pray for others and myself. As my crazy life continues I need to be grounded and holding fast to the Rock. But even with all this comes Loneliness, and I am never actually alone. I am surrounded by people, but i feel cut off. I feel like I am just floating in a sea of faces, lost, confused and forgotten. It is just a feeling but it happens to come up just when it would hurt the most. So, I have to remind myself I need to reach out to people who care and want to help... so I did and got Kitty therapy from a 6 week kitten named Indy and it made my Sunday so much better because i just released a lot of stress which lightened my burdened heart. Yet there are other thing that hang heavy on heart which I need to deal with before thanksgiving.... but that is another post.

I feel Better, and I have to Run to class. But As I am in Production week for a Show and I try to deal with things as well as Invest in those around me, I will try to stay strong, and as i always tell people, " Just Keep Swimming".

In the Company of My Mind

May I just off by saying Happy Guy Fawxes Day Everyone...

"Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot..."

But now on to real topic of this post is really about and the the real cliche quote to begin this blog post:

“Thinking is the greatest torture in the world for most people.” -Author Unknown

 Its so true, whether or not the person hates to think, reason, and/or if they are are afraid of thinking, it is a very true statement of America and the Western culture. There is so much sensory input from all the technology and and the more ADD our culture is we "need" or rather want people to think for us. That way do not have to exercise our brain, or even grow up at times... but now i am rambling and ranting and not getting anywhere.

We as a people myself included cower at the thought of being alone with our thoughts especially when we need to think through something or something hard comes into our lives. I am guilty of this i will play music, write a paper, read a book, blog posts, anything to not be alone with my thoughts. Last night i roamed the halls of my dorm doing anything to avoid going to my dark room and lying there alone, besides my thoughts and my then sleeping roommate. I held conversations about anything, sang happy birthday to someone's mom and just went till i could just fall asleep in seconds of hitting the pillow. This pattern has continued through the day. I do not have an outlet or a reason yet for me to cry but every once and a while I well up but cannot cry, even though I want to desperately. I think this will all end when my grandpa has gone home to heaven and I can come to terms with reality and what has happened. It will be a bittersweet happening but it's part of life. I don't know what to do and I am so afraid of sitting in the dark with thoughts, thoughts that won't stop or leave me alone. Thoughts that eat away at the core and cause me to question everything. Thoughts which no one who is grieving or knows they will have to deal with. Yet here I am, alone in a dark room with my thoughts both in my head and on my computer screen.

The only things that are keeping me sane are as follows:

1. God
2. The Bible
3. Friends
4. Music
5. Blogging
6. Prayer

Without those in my life I DO NOT know what my life would be like, nor do I want to think about that, but it probably be worst and painful. I hate to end this post like this but this is all i got and all I can do today.

You are Not Alone in the Valley

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." -Psalm 23:4 

My last post was about both storms and "storms" we encounter in life and funny that at church on Sunday we talk about just that. The pain/depression in life and how we are to deal with it. And by the way I am and was talking to myself when I am writing about storms in life. We all are human. We all experience pain and depression as much as happiness and joy. We are not supposed to go through it alone, and we are not alone in our feelings. We have feelings and need to express them. Yet when we are depressed we wallow, cut ourselves off and build walls around us. We hide there; not wanting anyone around, but secretly  wanting to be found. Found by someone, anyone who cares and reaches out a hand to lift us from our valley fortress of solitude and loneliness.

We are never alone, we are sometimes to blind to see the others there in their own fortress in the same land as us. We may say no one does care, no one sees me, or no one can know whats going on. We all have a different view on our life and on those around us. But you are never alone, there are people who care and are reaching out,  including the Creator of the Heavens and Earth, God. We may not see this because we only see the storm in front of us, and the waves, the rain and wind in our face, and the thunder and lightening and thunder making sure we know the storm is there. The friends and family who try to help but only hinder us come around us and give us the typical cliche sayings, all of them we know in our mind and have probably have used ourselves, yet they are not what we need nor are the comforting. We know these things are true but they do not feel like they are true in our hearts in the time of grief, pain and depression.

I don't want to say I have all the answers or any answers at all, but i know what has work for me and they are as follows:

1. Read the Psalms, they are real prayers and crying out to God, like Psalm 42 and 43
2. Give yourself permission to ask "Why?", and ask God "Why?"
3. Tell yourself those cliche things you know that are true, no how stupid you feel
4. Find someway of expressing yourself, either by music, poetry, talking, visual art, let the feelings out and not fester inside of you.
5. Anything else that is not harmful or destructive that helps.
6. Finally let people in who care, and find someone(s) who will always be there for you

I can no honestly say that I am now talking to myself. My Grandpa is and has been in the hospital the past couple of weeks. He originally went in for dehydration and then went back later because he wasn't feeling well and they found a blood clot in his leg on Sunday they did a CAT Scan and found fluid around his lungs and in his stomach. Now he is on oxygen. We are as close as we could be and its kinda depressing that he is this sick but he is 92, and my grandma has been dead for almost three years. I am trying not to work my worries away by busing myself and I am trying not to be a hypocrite and wear the Christian Facade but be real. So I am taking my own advice, I am on my knees with God, I am being open with friends about the situation, I am Staying in the Bible, and I am Listening to helpful songs. I find these songs to be helpful:

•  Kathy Troccoli's Psalm 23
•  Amy Grant's Better Than A Hallelujah
• Superchic[k]'s Stand In The Rain
• Karl Jenkin's Adiemus
• Kuroshio Sea - 2nd largest aquarium tank in the world - (song is Please don't go by Barcelona) (this is just a video i find relaxing)
• Castring Crowns' Praise You in This Storm 

Again I Do Not and Cannot Say I Have All The Answers or Any Answers Really At All. But I hope this helps.

The Storm(s)

 So on October 26 2010, there was  a Tornado Warning that turned to a Tornado Watch for the town my college is in and the surrounding area. All of the students were hoping and praying that it would be an over glorified wind storm that would knock out the power for a day or two so that classes would be canceled. Yet as the storm picked up from a strong wind to a torrential down pour as well as the the strong wind. Thunder and lightning added to the effect and the power of the storm. As the mass phone calls, e-mails, and text messages were sent out from the campus police there was some panic but mostly movement to a safe shelter in the buildings. I was in the music department where there are multiple tornado shelter areas. We, the music staff and students, were sitting in the music major lounge and talking. Some of us more brave went outside under a over hang to experience the storm. The torrential down pour and wind made the visibility very poor. The wind was throwing leaves, pushing trees, throwing rain every which way. I was amazed the sheer power of storm and was in awe of all that was happening. I left and went back inside and waited for the Tornado Watch to be lifted. As I was waiting, I was listening to Karl Jenkin's Requiem: Dies Irae. After the Watch was lifted and the calm started to come in, slowly but surely. The rain slowed and the wind started to die down. All of the campus started to come back alive and move into the next hour of life.

We went on with our lives and were slightly dismayed at the thought of classes starting again. We just went through a terrible storm. We talked about the epic happenings, our terror stories of being crammed in rooms and hallways. But no one talked about it much beyond that. The implications of the tornado nor the the strength and power of the storm that was nor that could be. We never even thought about the implications of that all authority, over all of the Earth and its workings, is God's which is given to Christ Jesus. AS I thought about this idea, I remembered a post I stated writing last semester, but never finished nor published. I was writing it in early April, it is as follows:

Yesterday here at college there was this awesome storm.It was a giant Thunderstorm and it was beautiful. Some are afraid of the storm but me on the other hand love to watch them. As a kid my brothers and I would open the garage door and set up chairs and just sit there and watch the storm; the rain falling and covering every surface it could reach, the lightning lighting up the dark sky, and the rolls of thunder always there to help us figure how far away the storm was.

Since I live in a dorm, it is hard to do that, plus I was working on homework at the time of the storm. But as soon as the rain stopped, I went outside. It was BEAUTIFUL!!!!! The storm was all around but the rain was gone, and you could see was flashes of lightning lighting up the sky and showing all the dark clouds blocking out the sky. The lightning turned the clouds around it a nice rich purple hue and the rolls of thunder coming a long way off was reassuring of the storm was near but the rain gone. The power and strength of the storm near and threatening but not bearing down upon me.


I thoroughly enjoy the rain, and all the life it brings to the dead world in Spring Time. I am just in awe of the beauty of the earth, even under the curse and being broken, it shouts, points to, and declares the LORD's Majesty, Strength, and Creativity. 

 I would have to say the same is true in the face of the a storm that threatens destruction.For me the phrase and the song, I Will Praise You in the Storm,  took on a more literal meaning for me, rather than a poetical one during this storm. I am always in awe of the power and majesty of storms and their creator. When I think about it, a force of nature which can destroy me, has to obey the LORD's command. The LORD that saved me, who loves me, and provides for me even in the midst of the the "storms" in life. The problems, the pains, and all other tribulations in life where we only see whats in front of us and not the full picture. We may observe the power and the works of God on the other side of the storm but very rarely do we think about the power and the behind the scenes works that are going on as they are happening. But vision is 20/20 in hindsight, and its easier to see the working and the effects of  the storm when the storm dies and the light illuminates the happenings/effects of the storm.

Just a thought, something to ponder next time a storm or a "storm" comes and disturbs our lives.

To Be A Man...

"To be a Man: You must be swift as the coursing river; With all the force of a great typhoon; With all the strength of a raging fire; Mysterious as the dark side of the moon" -From Disney's Mulan

One of my favorite Disney songs and a very good example of how we in the western culture view what it means to be a man, even with the allusions to the East. And what does it actually mean to be a man? All young men and boys are seeking to find this out as well as some "men". 


Two now going onto three weeks ago my dorm put on an event called "Man Week." The week in question, allows the guys of  the dorm to be challenged and to start a conversation on what does it REALLY mean to be a MAN? We had "Man Challenges" where we exhausted the stereotypes of manhood, such as eating and feats of strength and then had a speaker give us his take on manliness and manhood. We were focusing on one verse "Act like MEN: Be Strong, Do Everything in Love." - I Corinthians 16:13-14 (my version of the text). We were discussing the many facets of love and how most people don't equate love with being strong.

Once again my whole Love God, Love Others has popped up. (side note, I feel like God has been pounding this into my head lately). We were all challenged with the idea of self-sacrificing love to those around us, our families, and to our wives in the future. We need to give and give and give with no thought of ever seeing a return. We also talked about cruciformity (conforming to the crucifixion) , service, humility; how it takes a strong man to embody these virtues, and how it actually, probably takes a man relying solely on God's strength being worked out in him to embody these traits.

Looking back on what was discussed and what was observed on what Men look like I know that all men are made for greatness of some form, and we do not want to be any creature other creature other than a man. We don't want to be a pig, a gorilla, an ape, or a weasel. We want to be... loved, respected, validated, and a man. Yet as a boy we have no idea on when we become a man, how to become a man, or what to do when we reach manhood, and it is a scary, scary thing. We want to know and normally we look to our role models, mainly our fathers, and other males in our live. Also, we look up like our favorite superheroes, action heroes in the movies or on TV.  But where does this lead us? Sometimes down the wrong road; some of us, myself included, don't have a father around or one that is a great role model. Where and to whom should we turn to? There a bunch of books that talk about manhood, what it looks like and how we reach it; what the nature of manhood is. Yet I feel, like everything else in life, you can talk and think about it all you want but you will not do any good till you actually do something about it. So where do you turn and what do you do once you learn what manhood is?

Unlike other cultures we do not not have a rite of passage for a boy to become a man, a catalyst to propel the boy to become a man and take all the responsibilities of it. It forces the boy to grow, challenge himself, his thought, beliefs, and ideas. It causes him to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and/or in maturity. My rites of passage are not ideal at best but there are what they are. First, I had to grow up pretty quickly when my parents separated, and yet wanted to hold on to my childhood. It was hard and I am who I am because all of the happenings. In addition I went through a Counselor in Training program known as LGP, or Leadership Growth Program, at camp. I was challenged, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and that changed who I was to the path leading to where I am today. Yet I am still searching what it means to be a man in a world were a male can just be a guy and never really reach manhood, sure he may reach adulthood legally based on how old he is, but never become a man.We as males are asked where are all the men? Honestly, I don't know, most are taken while most have just not reached that level of growth in maturity, myself included I have to say.

Manhood: something I am still trying to figure out on my journey through life.  One thing is Sure and it is "I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago... " -Donald Miller

The Summer and Summer Loving

Due to work, lack of time and lack of a computer I was unable to post and I even forgot i had a blog till now. funny yes I know but its the sad truth. Over the summer my goal was to read the book St. Augustine's Confessions, and failed; instead I read Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper, God Will Make a Way by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life by Dr. Henry Cloud. 

I worked as a Lifeguard back home in the County owned pool and taught swim lessons to kids. My vacation from this craziness was a glorious week back at camp as a camp counselor. So I got paid to yell at people and tan, at work and volunteered to do that at camp. Actually, at both work and camp my Goal and plan was to Love and Love On those who I worked with, served, and looked after. I certainly had my good days and bad days with this but that was my lesson for the year and summer, LOVE. Love God and Love Others, the two greatest commandments of the Bible, according to Jesus in Matt. 22:34-40. It was that simple, or so I thought. It was tough, Love is giving freely of yourself and no expecting things in return, love is patient, kind, holds no record of wrong, etc., but in the hot son when everyone is irritable it is hard to love the co-worker who has "screwed" you over, or the patron who is yelling at you because you told them that their child cannot be in the pool with out a swim diaper. 

But above all these petty little things, I had to look how I loving those who were closest to me. This didn't hit me till towards the end of the summer, due to the reading of God Will Make A Way. Because of that book kicking me in the butt I started looking hard and fast at relationships and the lack-there-of. I started praying for God to do what he wanted with my life and for me to have wisdom to make the right choices for and in the future. Let me just warn you now, if you pray for this and truly mean it, it won't be a cake walk in candy-land. God took my prayer and answered it with love, tough love. I had many decisions to make and a short time to make them. I had to figure out if I would be able to return to college, decide on whether or not I should stay with my girlfriend, and how to rebuild my relationship with my father and everything that went with all that and on top of it. 

So life stunk a little but in the end it all worked out for good. My girlfriend and I are now ex-boyfriend and girlfriend but not ex-friends. We  are working on being friends still but at least we talk. My dad and I are now working on having a relationship that works instead of pretending we actually had one. I am back at college with all the perks of being a student. Life marches on and I am faced with many many challenges like to change or not to change majors in my junior year. I was actually depressed for a couple days, but I am better and God love me this broken vessel that I am. O and that whole Love God and Love Others thing, well the Student Activities Board is selling Bracelets that say that exact thing... funny how sometimes God has to beat us over the head with something. So now that i have rambled on abut my summer and lack-there-of i just have to say is LOVE: Love God, Love Others.

Facades...

The Definition:

• a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect (merriam-webster.com)
• a superficial appearance or illusion of something (dictionary.com)

The Confession:
I am guilty of this wearing a mask or a facade. We all are. Its just part of who we are, we show what we want and hide behind it. We are a product of Western Society and the Victorian Age, all about appearances and moving ahead in the social ladder, rather than being real or even human. We put on our masks and act, like hypocrites. We actually get the word hypocrite from the Greek word for actors, who wore masks while acting. We hide behind our masks and don't show who were we truly are because we believe if people saw us for who we really are they would run, disown, laugh, and abandon us. We dare not show others the us that we only see behind locked doors, in the protection of the dark and the night.We are ugly and broken and NO ONE in their right mind would ever want to be around me and all this ugly baggage we carry. 


The Conviction:
I feel we need to not fake it but be real especially those we love, like friends, family, and significant others. We need to be vulnerable, which is easier said than done. For all those who have been burned while being vulnerable, knows what I am saying, and it is hard you don't want to play with this fire again, and i understand. I am not saying we need to bare all to everyone, show everyone all the skeletons in the closet, but rather share them with those you love and those who love you back. With everyone else be real, be you, not your mask or one of your many masks. Share your true thoughts, feeling, show your True Colors. Those who are True Friends will love on you and be there through it all.

The Contemplation:
This whole time I have been preaching to the choir, and myself. I am an actor, both on and off stage. I am a hypocrite and am working on being real. For I do not want the mask to become me or me to become the mask; I want to be me!We all sometimes think we are Monsters, as the Skillet Song "Monster" states. I just sometimes dream and wonder what the world would be like if we did not just follow this facade and were real and truthful, what the world would look like. If we were real and loved everyone for who they are we would live in a different world, a better world.

I want to leave you with this song and its lyrics. Think about what its saying. Is it True? Is it True of You, Society as a Whole, The World?

Contemplation On The Cross

I want to start this with this song... its words say a lot and is the best way I could think of to start this post. it is called "Deliver Us"

The Cross a symbol of Christianity, of pain, suffering, shame, death, love, and redemption. But most people see the cross everyday, either on clothing, jewelry, or a church but what does this symbol do mean or even do for the world? since we see it everywhere we have become numb to the power it holds, and have replaced the true meaning of the cross with how we feel about it, the people who cling to it and God. When the true meaning of the cross is where God's Grace, Love and Wrath all met, and fell upon His only son. How can we wrap our minds around what that means? Unfortunately we only contemplate this about once a year or twice a year maybe even more, but unlikely. So we can not understand the power of the cross. The perfect Adam, Jesus, was tortured, mocked, and killed so the real Adam, the first Adam, and all his descendants would have to be punished. That is Love and Grace for us while Jesus took the Wrath of God. But this is only one part of the story...

Today on Easter Sunday, or apply named Resurrection Sunday, Jesus Raised from the dead! The God-Man got up and walked out after being dead for two going on three days. Because He conquered Death so can we through him. The best way for me to end this is like i started it, through these songs entitled "The Wonderful Cross" and "How He Loves" enjoy the songs and meditate on them.

Contemplation On Names

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
-Romeo and Juliet Act II Scene ii

Ahhh but have you ever looked up what you name means? Does it fit you well and do you live up to the name? Go ahead open a new tab with this link and look up the meaning of your first and, if you have one, middle name. SO... What did you learn? Does the name fit you? Do you live up to the name? Were your parents correct in naming you? It is kinda weird and amazing at the same time to think about this. For instance My first name is David, meaning Beloved or Beloved of God from Hebrew and my Middle name Aaron means Bearer of Light again from Hebrew. Wow these are great names to have but can I live up to them and do they fit me? Can I Live up to David, the King of Israel, the one who defeated the giant known as Goliath? He was called a man after God's Own Heart. How can I be that and live up to that name and Aaron who was the first Priest of Israel. Yes, both failed and had flaws for they were human but they also had great faith and were great leaders as well.

And what about nicknames? They almost always have a meaning behind them and almost always fits weather we like them or not. I have had Dave, stage-crafter, Dorito Dave, Hey You and many others. Or what about this question, What do YOU call your self? Human, the name you parents call you, something terrible,something nice, what? What we call ourselves reveals more about who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Sometimes we have a poor perception on ourselves but we are human, broken, and sinful. But we are all unique and beautiful, Made in the image of God.

Now, think about having a name that means "The LORD is Salvation". WOW that is a name that has powerful statement. Now with a name like that how a bout having these names attached to it?

1. Man of Sorrows
2. Son of Man
3. Son Of God
4. Lion of Judah
5. The Lamb
6. Hosanna
7. Christ, meaning "Anointed One" or "Messiah"
8. Emanuel

These names are what What Jesus is know as and He has many more names that could be made into a blog itself but that is besides the point.

But how about a name I call my self based off of this name... Christian or Follower of Christ. Christian means "Little Christ" or a Follower of Christ, who is someone that follows what Christ has Taught and Lived and has faith in Christ being the Savoir for sinners, aka all of mankind. Do I live up to this name i call myself? Well that is what I am striving for and struggling to do. I believe all Christians should be doing this and repent when they fall short, for Just because someone is Christian does not mean they are sinless, they are still a practicing sinner who has been forgiven and is struggling to combat the sin. For that reason, I, as well as everyone else, must remember what you are called and what you call yourself as well as its meaning. Then continue to try to live up to it...

Confession Of The Wrongs of The Church

A Pastor once stated, "Christ is love, it's the Christians who are mean." The sad part is Many people believe this. Just look through history or for a matter of fact look at the "Christians" of today.The Church, which is Christ's body, is not functioning properly. She is broken and more like a monster than a healer. As St. Augustine said, "The Church is a whore but she is my mother." The church is not what it should be but with out it many people would not be who they are now.

Therefore, I on behalf of the Church, the Church of God and the Followers of Jesus, would like to apologize. I Would like to apologize for all the wrong the church has done since its birth to today, whether it be intentional or unintentional. I apologize for turning a blind eye to someone in need, the poor, the widows, the orphans, the sick, the elderly, and the oppressed. I apologize for hating those who are different rather than loving them, judging and condemning instead of being light and salt; for Christians are not called to Judge, for that is God's job, but rather be salt and light to the World. I apologize for any "holy" wars and verbal attacks. I apologize for Racial inequality, in the church, as well as the gay bashing and hatred. As well as any personal attacks someone has made against you; for this is not how the body of Christ is supposed to act.

In addition I would like to ask for forgiveness of all the wrongs and sins I have partaken of form the list above. For I have grown up in the church, and I am a Christian. and I apologize for turning a blind eye to someone in need, the poor, the widows, the orphans, the sick, the elderly, and the oppressed. I apologize for hating those who are different rather than loving them, judging and condemning instead of being light and salt; for Christians are not called to Judge, for that is God's job, but rather be salt and light to the World. I apologize for any "holy" wars and verbal attacks I may be a part of. I apologize for Racial inequality and the jokes i have laughed at as well as the gay bashing and jokes. I apologize for any personal attacks I have made against people.