A Series of Confessions: The Reason

This Past year I have learned a lot about myself; how i relate to myself, others and God. I have also learned about being real with people. These next series of posts I am going to be confessions of self, religion, thoughts, actions, and so on. These may dig up hard memories but part of living is acknowledging hurts and sharing them. I  am striving to be real, and real those around me. This is a step towards it. I am done with Facades and being fake. I am sick of.... just a lot of things and I need to express them. So the reason I started this blog was to put my thoughts out there; my confessions, convictions and contemplations. Here is a series of them that will just be that, nothing more or less. These are confessions of doubt and faith, love and hate and so on all based on the conviction of being real rather than an actor on a stage. This will also give me the opportunity to  contemplate things I have dealt with, am dealing with, and stuff I buried deep or put on the back burner. These post will be very "me-centered" and will be me preaching to myself. Therefore I apologize. Happy Days and God Bless you till we "meet" again on this blog to have a "conversation."

A Letter Home

Dear God, 

Thank you so much for your love and mercy and how you love me even in my sin. May I be moving forward, moving towards you and not backtracking; moving from my old self and the Pharisee I was and am now. May I work towards living with my thorn in my flesh and all the pain, suffering, and trials I face; May I count them joy. May I realize that I deserve Hell everyday and that anything else in this life or next is grace. Your Grace is enough, sufficient and all I need. May you teach me through any road, journey, or school you choose for me. I am wanting to be molded to your will, and the teaching of your son.Please Lord fill me, use me, and allow me to be used to glorify you by doing your work. Thank you for loving me and never giving up on me.


Love,
Me 

Love: Valentine's Day Reflection

Love.... 
Everyone "knows" has an idea of what love is, but if you ask anyone on the street to define it,  how to communicate it to another human being.We know nothing about love, absolutely nothing here in America about love, we fall in and out of love like its a fashion statement. We use love so loosely about loving this and that were years ago it would have been I like this, I enjoy that, or this pleases me. We have taken a word with so much meaning and power and have stripped it down to the level of a off-handed comment.The Greeks had four (4) words for love: agápe, éros, philía, and storgē; each had their own meaning and use.


For knowing so little about love we are fascinated with the thought of it, most of us are in love with the thought of being in love and idea of love. Just look at all the poems, movies, books, songs, art, and so on all portraying what "Love" is. Don't believe me, look at a lot of the pop culture; it is filled with love. Filled with love gained, love lost, falling into love, falling out of it, finding the one and finding out they are not the one. Love is everywhere else as well: it's in the air(especially now and in the spring), in our speech and actions.But love has so many meanings in today's English, we use it in the case of caring for, infatuation, likes, desire, and even use it in sarcasm. People always criticize others for using the word hate because "Hate is such a strong word." My response to this is "Love is a strong word and we use that loosely as well." This doesn't mean that it is right, or even justified, but rather this is a just to point out the flawed logic in the statement.


Now for a change in direction. Love is also one of the main attributes of a leader and a major part of a relationship. Love is hard to define but I want to define it as other(s) directed, and use the synonyms care and compassion to further the understanding of the definition. Love needs to be in a relationship to make a great leader just that, great.  I really want to stay away from all the cliché sayings like "what the world need now is love, sweet love," "give a little bit of your love...,"  or "All you need is Love" but we all need love, real love.  Love can be found anywhere there is a real, genuine relationship. It can be in a family, between friends, and so on as long as it is a reflection of the vertical love we both give and receive. We need both vertical and horizontal love in our lives. But God, Jesus, and the Bible (all Sunday school answers)  tell us to love our neighbors as ourselves and the enemies. G.K. Chesterton explains this well saying, "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and also to love our enemies, probably because they're generally the same people." Therefore I repeat LOVE: Love God, Love Others. (Matt. 22:34-40). 


I am still Learning how to do this by evidence of last night or rather really early this morning around 1 am. I wanted to go to bed and the guys in my hall were filming in my room, which I allowed them to.It was taking too long, in my opinion, to get a scene filmed and I was tired and irritated (not a good combo). Then I proceeded try to help so the scene could be filmed and I could go to bed. The got the scene filmed and I got to go to bed. This morning I checked my e-mail and found an e-mail confronting me on my attitude and my actions/words during this process. I realized that I was wrong and that I had sinned, this was not my first response though; the first response was to make excuses and defend myself against this light of truth from a brother who does not know me well. I have written an e-mail back saying that I would like to ask for his forgiveness and talk with him, face-to-face, whenever he is free and until then to please forgive me. This was a smack upside the head for me, another hey body you haven't arrived moment (thats two over the weekend). I do try to live out the Love God, Love Others idea but I lose sight of this every once and a while, and last night was one of those times. I forget love is a verb not a noun or adjective, or adverb, etc.; it is a constant action(s) and thought of mind. We, myself included, need to live like this at all times and remember what true love is: Love is patient Love is kind.... and so on. Therefore live out the word Love, for actions do speak louder than words. Happy Valentine's Day and may God bless you.

Love, Life, and Lost in a Land

Love life and Lost in a Land... it kinda sound like a book title, i would read a book with this title but hey to my knowledge this is just how to explain the happenings of my brain:

Love:
Well this month is the "month of  love" with Valentine's day in it and all. all the flower companies, card companies, chocolate companies, and stuffed animal companies all put out red, white and pink things that are overpriced to buy so you tell someone you love them. It is a good idea but shouldn't we be doing this everyday, the loving on people and caring about them not just buying things for them? Why most one day be celebrated in honor of Love? Love should be celebrated everyday, hour and minute you and I am alive. Love is one human emotion that is very hard to explain because in different contexts the word has a different context. The Greeks actually have four words our one word of Love. and i really want to stay away from all the cliché sayings like "what the world need now is love, sweet love," "give a little bit of your love...,"  or "All you need is Love" but we all need love, real love. Once again may I recite  just have to say is LOVE: Love God, Love Others. (Matt. 22:34-40)

Life:
Life is full of decisions and forks in the road.unfortunately the road moves under you whether or not you choose to move it moves for you. So as you move done the road be proactive in life, take life by the horns. Donald Miller wrote in A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, “Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” Do not let fear or indecisiveness rule your life. Go live in God's creation and do something, anything, with in reason, that is pleasing to God. Make a decision, learn from it, rinse, lather and then repeat. Please do not sit on your but and watch the world, along with your world go by. Life is what you make of it but also remember that you have to rely on Him to make it through it.


Lost in a Land:
Technically its a flatland named Ohio. Last week I felt moody like a girl which was, mainly due to sleep deprivation I had. But right now I am dealing with some major issues, choices, and thoughts in my head right now. Depending on what happens this semester is what will be happening for the rest of my life. Someone said, this past summer, that this year would help define who I am for the rest of my life and thus far the statement has held true. I need to make some tough decisions in the next couple of weeks, Right now I am keeping my options open and trying to live out the two principles I laid out early in the post the "Love God , Love Others" idea and the Live life and just do something. Its hard and I am Trying which is all I can do. I am a Human Forgiven and Saved by Grace, trying and striving to Live like Christ. 

Tattoos and Taboos

So ever since this past summer I have wanted a tattoo, but not just any tattoo. I want one that has meaning and truth to it; one that is for me and not others as a constant reminder. I want one of the (biblical) Hebrew words for "forgiven". I am thinking about getting it in white ink on my left wrist. Now I bet everyone is asking something along the lines of, "What and why?". Well Forgiven because that describes what I am and who I am in Christ. Hebrew, well, because it looks cool, has a deeper meaning that way and people will ask what it says if they see it. White ink because it looks like a scar on the wrist reminding me what Christ went through for me to be Forgiven.

I was talking to my good friend Kaitlyn over Christmas break and she too wanted a tattoo. She wanted a wrist tattoo that stated "Reason for Everything". I found out this past week she got it; she just went out and got one. I am slightly jealous but not of the actual tattoo. I am more jealous of the freedom and ability to get a tattoo.Yes, it is my body and I too am free to get a tattoo but in my life there are a couple reasons why one like myself would not be able to get a tattoo. I am a Christian who is becoming a music teacher, or at least that's the plan. In some Christian circles it is taboo to have a tattoo or get a tattoo after becoming a follower of Christ. In addition some ministries will not hire you or use you if you have a tattoo or if you can not cover the tattoo. So whats the big deal some people ask well its the whole the body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and we are to conduct ourselves as such. As for the Teacher part it is harder to get a job as a teacher if you are not professional looking and that includes no visible piercing for males and no visible tattoos. It goes along with the I have authority over you and I dress professionally and act this way to show that I deserve respect and that I am your teacher.

I do, however, think its stupid to judge someone for having a tattoo and for it to be taboo for a Christian to have a tattoo. I understand the professionalism that is required to be a teacher and am okay with that.  I dress like a teacher now, well most of the time. I am "conservative" to the modern culture and probably don't come across as someone who wants or even has a tattoo. But really people  So I am planning on waiting till a break or graduation to get one as a "gift" or rather a reminder to myself. The whole point of my tattoo is that it is for me and a reminder to me, because there are times where I feel Horrible and am just need truth where I can see it at all times. Therefore I think getting it sooner rather than later would be a better idea, I just don't  know when I would get one so it could heal properly and such especially during the summer I am a Lifeguard. I need to just wait and see what happens, and i need to choose to get it, if I get it, when I am emotionally stable and clear mentally.